You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
