There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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