Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
