She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
