At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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