It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
