just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
