i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
