Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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