I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I will be naked everywhere
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
