in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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