Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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