shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
