Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
