I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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