Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
