and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
