I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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