I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Someone shattered a urinal.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
