he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
