What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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