I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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