I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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