there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
