Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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