After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
