i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
