Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
