Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
