you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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