did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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