What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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