My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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