Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Randomize
