I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Drunk is a universal language darling
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
