never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
