The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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