Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
