I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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