My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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