Don't EVER smell your tampon
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
