I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
