her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so let's talk penis.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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