so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
third nipple confirmed
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
