she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
