I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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