bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
