if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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