I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
