Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
